Meaningless/Meaningful

The more time I spent on my own, living in my own space, I realized that what I really need is a place of my own. When I was in Greg's place it was so easy to relax and just keep myself out of the drama. Mom was talking about the neighborhood drama that has been going on and I said that I didn't care about how they solved their problems, because ultimatly they were their issues, and only they were the ones that could change things. My stance on the drama is to tell them to keep me out of it, and work to find a solution themselves. If I can help them- THEM...NOT THEM TO GET BACK AT ANOTHER NEIGHBOR...... I will. But it's about being mature and letting some things go.In my four and a half years at Beloit I learned that you have to let a lot of things go. Ackowledge the shitty situation, don't over think it, and finally let it go. If you cannot change it, why dwell on it and stress yourselves, and your peers needlessly. Life is about finding happiness, and a purpose in the world- if you have your head up your ass and are stressed out about things you can't change- you can't do the later. For god's sake, Be the change you want to see in the world. Don't be a hypocrit. I'm finding that I don't miss the physical place of beloit, but I really miss the people. I know I'll see them all again- or keep in close contact, but it's hard still. It helped that I lived off-campus for the last few weeks of student teaching- I got weaned off seeing everyone everyday, and doing things constantly. I don't know how I feel about my place in portland, but I don't have a place in Beloit anymore- at least not on campus. I'm really goign to miss the friends I made out in the community of Beloit- a great group that really helped me get connected to more of Beloit and the thigns it has to offer. I keep thinking about what I am meant to do in life, and what I am trying to do. Mexico will help clear up a lot of this. I think I really just need to find some more time to travel. I am more at peace and feel like I know myself the best when I am travelling and trying to find out which bus I have to take to get to the other side of twon. When I am totally lost in a foreign country and have to learn how to read the cues and language and people all over again I feel the most alive. I made deeper friendships when there was a language barrier in Belize. I need this trip to Mexico. For my sanity, and to attempt to try to find myself again- with all the things that happened the last bit of my time at Beloit I feel like I lost touch with that person. It makes me thankful that I got talked into going on the DR trip, and helped with the Panama trip. I never would have found the love, joy, and excitement of being lost, and learning about the world. I'm a different person when I am out of the US, and I like that person better. Maybe Mexico will help me clear up what need to change in the US person. Or, it will just make me realize that my passion lies in teaching overseas and making a difference in a place where the needs are more visibly pressing. My time at Beloit was a valuable experience, but the part where I learned the most were the times I was abroad.